this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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