i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
