I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
