just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
