Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
