don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
