chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
