Having a random hookup so left but love u
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
