Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
