Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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