you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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