Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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