no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
