My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
