yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
