check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
