I puked a lego.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
