whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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