Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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