If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
