i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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