Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
