I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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