I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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