i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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