haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
