The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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