You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
