Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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