Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
