Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
