Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
