I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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