you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
