omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
