i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
