I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
