I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
