He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
