lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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