Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
