I bet he comes in French.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
