I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
