I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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