I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
