so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
