piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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