I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
