I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
