Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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