she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
